Urytion
Assistant
Hey fam! Soon to be jobbanned HoS Kat Lombardi (vote now on this totally legit poll started by a salt miner here https://www.strawpoll.me/18233941/r). I'm here to give all y'all a guide on what to do if you find yourself on the end of a false arrest. Remember, security is always shit. We're only there to spoil your fun, and we serve no purpose.
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First of all, if you're ever falsely arrested, don't ahelp. Admins can't do anything. We can't influence the game at all, that's just a rumour we spread so people think we're cool and let us get away with metagaming. If in doubt, look at the admin tab, but don't actually press the adminhelp button. All that does is give me another shot of oxytocin.
Now that we've got the out of character sorted, let's deal with in character. Remember, always insult security as much as you can, as fast as you can. This will make them sympathise with you. They'll be able to tell that you're angry, and that will make them sad for you, so they'll probably just release you. But if that doesn't work, don't try to provide information, or corroborating witnesses, or even evidence! Just insult them more! Remember, you want the highest IPM (Insults Per Minute) to maximize your chances of release. And remember, no matter what, never deny actually committing the crime. Just insult them. It's the best plan.
But oh no! Your insulting doesn't work! Maybe the Sec Officer has evidence, strong witnesses, AI testimony, or maybe they're just a massive cunt who is out to metagriff you! But don't panic! This is where your guaranteed release comes in. Just falsely confess to other crimes! Did those crimes happen? Who cares? Do those crimes carry a heavier sentence than the one you were arrested for? Who gives a shit? You're about to go free! Surely any sec officer with half a brain will let you go free once you commit to capital crimes that carry an execution or permanent sentence.
But now we're at the crux of it. You've insulted everyone in a sec jumpsuit, you've confessed to capital crimes, you even tried getting your metabuddy to break you out of your cell, and now security, the shitters they are, have decided to execute you for no raisins. What do you do now? The answer is simple. Use Out of Character information and terms in character. It's fool proof. They can't execute you they metagame! HAHA! Checkmate, shitcurity.
But if all this doesn't work, and you're now dead, having been falsely executed for a crime you didn't commit, there is only one answer. Complain in dsay. Do not ahelp or make forum posts, just whine. As we all know, death chat is the best location to air grievances. Admins are always looking at dsay for non-salty suggestions, roleplay issues, and insinuations about their mothers, so that's the best place to get their attention. If you whine enough without going through any proper channels, what you want to happen will definitely happen.
But now, what about next round? Roleplay guidelines? Fuck it. Metagrudging? Not a real thing. Remember, security ALWAYS metagrudge, so you should too! Always be suspicious of security, even if they're unarmed, you're not a traitor, and have no intentions of committing crimes. Security will arrest you for existing, so you should always ensure security does not exist.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
/S
_____________
First of all, if you're ever falsely arrested, don't ahelp. Admins can't do anything. We can't influence the game at all, that's just a rumour we spread so people think we're cool and let us get away with metagaming. If in doubt, look at the admin tab, but don't actually press the adminhelp button. All that does is give me another shot of oxytocin.
Now that we've got the out of character sorted, let's deal with in character. Remember, always insult security as much as you can, as fast as you can. This will make them sympathise with you. They'll be able to tell that you're angry, and that will make them sad for you, so they'll probably just release you. But if that doesn't work, don't try to provide information, or corroborating witnesses, or even evidence! Just insult them more! Remember, you want the highest IPM (Insults Per Minute) to maximize your chances of release. And remember, no matter what, never deny actually committing the crime. Just insult them. It's the best plan.
But oh no! Your insulting doesn't work! Maybe the Sec Officer has evidence, strong witnesses, AI testimony, or maybe they're just a massive cunt who is out to metagriff you! But don't panic! This is where your guaranteed release comes in. Just falsely confess to other crimes! Did those crimes happen? Who cares? Do those crimes carry a heavier sentence than the one you were arrested for? Who gives a shit? You're about to go free! Surely any sec officer with half a brain will let you go free once you commit to capital crimes that carry an execution or permanent sentence.
But now we're at the crux of it. You've insulted everyone in a sec jumpsuit, you've confessed to capital crimes, you even tried getting your metabuddy to break you out of your cell, and now security, the shitters they are, have decided to execute you for no raisins. What do you do now? The answer is simple. Use Out of Character information and terms in character. It's fool proof. They can't execute you they metagame! HAHA! Checkmate, shitcurity.
But if all this doesn't work, and you're now dead, having been falsely executed for a crime you didn't commit, there is only one answer. Complain in dsay. Do not ahelp or make forum posts, just whine. As we all know, death chat is the best location to air grievances. Admins are always looking at dsay for non-salty suggestions, roleplay issues, and insinuations about their mothers, so that's the best place to get their attention. If you whine enough without going through any proper channels, what you want to happen will definitely happen.
But now, what about next round? Roleplay guidelines? Fuck it. Metagrudging? Not a real thing. Remember, security ALWAYS metagrudge, so you should too! Always be suspicious of security, even if they're unarmed, you're not a traitor, and have no intentions of committing crimes. Security will arrest you for existing, so you should always ensure security does not exist.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
/S
